Tag: BDSM

I read a very intriguing article called: ‘When you want to be into BDSM but it’s too soon because you’re black.’  …it got me to thinking…

My first thought was…How soon is too soon? I thought that slavery was abolished and WE as a people were free to enjoy life to the fullest? …or are WE??

I thought…these hang ups can’t be real – not in today’s world?? I have successfully been a part of the BDSM world for years and “never” thought twice about slavery — or did I?

I won’t be called a slave and I’m not calling my Dom “Master”… …yeah I may have appeared to forget all about the oppression of my race, but deep down and by my own actions and deeds – that wasn’t totally true and it took this article to make me realize how I had ‘tricked’ myself into believing that the crimes against my race decades long past – did not have anything to do with me…

This article really got me to thinking – especially because as I speak with women of color and they discover that I’m a submissive in the BDSM world – they too want to learn to be more submissive or find it hard to submit.  Maybe there is a deeper underlying current of events that make it a bit more difficult for Black Women to submit. Maybe it’s the cries of our ancestors after being bound, beaten and raped. Possibly there is a deeper spiritual calling that only speaks to us in the corners of our minds.

To be quite honest, until I read this article I did not fully understand why so many women want to submit but fear what submission will do to them. I get the profoundness of our past and that our past should not be forgotten, our past does not always have to repeat itself in a negative way.

The BIGGEST misconception about a submissive or slave in the BDSM world is that – all the bondage, the flogging, the penetration is being done AGAINST their will. We have ALL SEEN the tears of a spanking – the redness of the paddled area and the slobber of a gag ball… These images may very well be the REASON that people compare these actions to those of slavery.

…but let me point out the difference…

Oppression Slavery – is/was against a persons will.  They did not give consent. There was no pleasure derived from being enslaved.

BDSM is DIFFERENT – in the fact that what happens to a submissive or slave is discussed and agreed upon. There are “safe words” in place to keep everyone on the same page of pleasure.  …and YES, I SAID PLEARUSE… Some people get pleasure from pain. They ENJOY being tied up, feeling helpless, losing control, spanked, gaged and even humiliated if it is done my their Dom/Domme.

There is no wrong or right way to practice BDSM – although some of the more extreme members may say differently… How you and your partner choose to enjoy this realm of the Lifestyle is entirely up to the two of you. I’ve never had to use the word “Master”.  My Doms have allowed me to call them King, My Dom and Mr. …this was one of the sticking points for the author of the article and I can understand why, but there are other words that can be used to show Respect and the hierarchy of your BDSM relationship.

I can empathize with the article, but in my own way I’ve learned to enjoy this Lifestyle and allow it to change me as a person. In this day in age, I ENJOY submitting to a King. The safeness, the closeness, the trust that is involved is unmatched. I will not let the ghosts of the past (as important to me as they are) not allow me to enjoy the pleasures of my future. Submission is a gift that should be treated as such.

To my Black Strong Women ~ WE have evolved. Clinging to the past – even a past as important to our growth as a race, can distract you from a pleasurable future. Certainly NEVER FORGET ~ but learn what time period you are in now. Step into the future boldly. Explore your desires with an open heart and an eagerness to learn. Let go of the “box” that someone else has placed you in. Break the chains of oppression with a wondrous look at freedom – the freedom of submission. Allow yourself the opportunities to enjoy pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. In order for that to happen you must be WILLING to learn all of the pleasures that a BDSM Lifestyle holds for you