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I read a very intriguing article called: ‘When you want to be into BDSM but it’s too soon because you’re black.’ …it got me to thinking…
My first thought was…How soon is too soon? I thought that slavery was abolished and WE as a people were free to enjoy life to the fullest? …or are WE??
I thought…these hang ups can’t be real – not in today’s world?? I have successfully been a part of the BDSM world for years and “never” thought twice about slavery — or did I?
I won’t be called a slave and I’m not calling my Dom “Master”… …yeah I may have appeared to forget all about the oppression of my race, but deep down and by my own actions and deeds – that wasn’t totally true and it took this article to make me realize how I had ‘tricked’ myself into believing that the crimes against my race decades long past – did not have anything to do with me…
This article really got me to thinking – especially because as I speak with women of color and they discover that I’m a submissive in the BDSM world – they too want to learn to be more submissive or find it hard to submit. Maybe there is a deeper underlying current of events that make it a bit more difficult for Black Women to submit. Maybe it’s the cries of our ancestors after being bound, beaten and raped. Possibly there is a deeper spiritual calling that only speaks to us in the corners of our minds.
To be quite honest, until I read this article I did not fully understand why so many women want to submit but fear what submission will do to them. I get the profoundness of our past and that our past should not be forgotten, our past does not always have to repeat itself in a negative way.
The BIGGEST misconception about a submissive or slave in the BDSM world is that – all the bondage, the flogging, the penetration is being done AGAINST their will. We have ALL SEEN the tears of a spanking – the redness of the paddled area and the slobber of a gag ball… These images may very well be the REASON that people compare these actions to those of slavery.
…but let me point out the difference…
Oppression Slavery – is/was against a persons will. They did not give consent. There was no pleasure derived from being enslaved.
BDSM is DIFFERENT – in the fact that what happens to a submissive or slave is discussed and agreed upon. There are “safe words” in place to keep everyone on the same page of pleasure. …and YES, I SAID PLEARUSE… Some people get pleasure from pain. They ENJOY being tied up, feeling helpless, losing control, spanked, gaged and even humiliated if it is done my their Dom/Domme.
There is no wrong or right way to practice BDSM – although some of the more extreme members may say differently… How you and your partner choose to enjoy this realm of the Lifestyle is entirely up to the two of you. I’ve never had to use the word “Master”. My Doms have allowed me to call them King, My Dom and Mr. …this was one of the sticking points for the author of the article and I can understand why, but there are other words that can be used to show Respect and the hierarchy of your BDSM relationship.
I can empathize with the article, but in my own way I’ve learned to enjoy this Lifestyle and allow it to change me as a person. In this day in age, I ENJOY submitting to a King. The safeness, the closeness, the trust that is involved is unmatched. I will not let the ghosts of the past (as important to me as they are) not allow me to enjoy the pleasures of my future. Submission is a gift that should be treated as such.
To my Black Strong Women ~ WE have evolved. Clinging to the past – even a past as important to our growth as a race, can distract you from a pleasurable future. Certainly NEVER FORGET ~ but learn what time period you are in now. Step into the future boldly. Explore your desires with an open heart and an eagerness to learn. Let go of the “box” that someone else has placed you in. Break the chains of oppression with a wondrous look at freedom – the freedom of submission. Allow yourself the opportunities to enjoy pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. In order for that to happen you must be WILLING to learn all of the pleasures that a BDSM Lifestyle holds for you
Being able to submit comes from a place of power. A submissive that understands that power can be transferred to another and you are able to keep your dignity, is an indisputable force. Today I focus on the female side of submission in discussing strong women that submit. I can only speak on my own enlightenments and the lessons learned which I hope assists individuals that choose this path.
There are strong women who enjoy submitting to a man. Now not just any man, but a man that they see as their equal and a man that they know can take charge. The male that they submit to will also see them as their equal and as a woman that is willing to entrust them with the power of control for a short period of time/a long period of time (based on their Dom/sub relationship/status).
Becoming a strong woman does not happen over night. To me a strong woman is cultivated over time through her own life experiences. How she handles her life and herself will determine where her strength comes from. The woman that finds her strength that has been forged deep within her soul will stand stronger against the obstacles that life has to offer. Her strength is represented through a quite confidence that does not need a lot of fan fare, for she knows what she has gone through to get to this point in her life. Armed with this knowledge, the discovery that her power/strength can be relinquished to one that is worthy is undeniably enticing.
As a strong woman in the role of a submissive, my choice is not be at a Doms feet, for I clearly understand the inference of this position within the realm of the Lifestyle. Instead I chose to be by my Doms side for the support that he will need throughout his life. Being a woman of strength and secure in both my worlds POWER & SUBMISSION my submission is given willingly for both servitude and supremacy.
There are still a lot of misconceptions out there about a subs place/position. Individuals that choose to participate as a sub need to be informed. There are different levels of submission and before committing and running around saying you are a sub, know more about what you want from this realm of the Lifestyle.
Being a sub of strength has allowed me to see that many subs are unknowing and are following a blueprint that is unfamiliar to them. This realm of the Lifestyle is not just a role that is played behind closed doors or in the bedroom its not about how freaky a sub can be nor is it a role that is played when it is convenient for the sub. The submissive Lifestyle is a dutiful position that should be adhered to at ALL times! Even for a woman of strength, this Lifestyle is a balancing act, but because she is secure in whom she is and secure in what she is, she will be able to manage both worlds.
I have stated it before and I will state it again there is more then one way to submit. You simply have to find what is comfortable for you.Once you find that comfort level one that you have created through learning who and what you are, NOT the box version that someone else has created, then a TRUE Dom will appreciate and accept you readily.
Submission occurs in both males and females in about equal proportions. Although men and women may express it differently, they share this trait.
Submission is not a sign of weakness or inferiority. Some of the strongest, most successful people in our society are submissive in their personal relationships.
Submission does not indicate lack of intelligence or motivation. Most submissives are very intelligent, creative and are highly motivated people.
Submission is not a hidden desire for pain or humiliation. Some masochistic people may turn to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle in order to fulfill their needs for these things but there are many gentler, loving individuals who are quite happy not to receive either humiliation or pain.
Submission is not the same as passivity. Submissives are not passive. They participate actively and are thinking individuals.
Submission is not something that can be demanded or forced. The definition of the word means it is a willing act. A submissive submits because they have chosen to do so, not because someone forced them.
Submission is not a miserable state of existence. Most submissives are happy, well balanced people who are simply fulfilling their nature.
Submission is not slavery. All slaves are submissive but not all submissives are slaves. A submissive has not given up their right to choose but has given some of those choices to another to make for them. They have input into their relationship and maintain their identity.
Submission does not indicate sexual promiscuity. Submissives are not sex crazed nymphomaniacs who cannot control their drives. Most are husbands or wives, mothers or fathers, friends, neighbors, workers, or family members who have a need to relinquish control of some aspects of their lives to someone they trust. It isn’t a sex thing…it’s a condition of the heart.