Queens… Fix Your Own Crown! (Part 1)

Queens ~ Fix Your Own Crown

Queens…can we talk?  …although every situation is different, it is time that we take an honest look at our Crowns. Are we causing our crowns to tilt, fall to the side or be less valuable? The time to fix Your Crown is now! The crown that you wear should be: Straight, Purposeful & True.

For far too long we have allowed our crowns to tilt to the side where doubt, deception and disloyalty can pull our crowns from our heads. We are no longer the steadfast backbone that is needed in our own lives. Our crowns have slid to the side, backwards and even been taken off our heads by our own hands. Our crowns have been surrendered as we lack the character and courage to hold our reign.

We have allowed ~ (Yes Mz. JewCee said: ALLOWED) – ourselves to settle and become docile in our rolls as Queens. We have fallen into the trap of uselessness and lack-luster appreciation. We entertain the fool instead of The King. We have become complicit in our resolve to achieve our dreams and goals.  Our fear of being successful overshadowed by the fear of failure.

We look to ‘others’ to remedy what we have created. Yet the others that we find solace in are not able to give us sound advice and/or lead us to the promise land, as they too are in no position to afford us the wisdom that we need in order to reclaim our crown. Their advice is tainted by their own set of declining circumstances.

So how do you reclaim your Crown? Here are 3 simple steps to begin your journey…

  1. Straight: Move forward in a direction that is toward the betterment of you
  2. Purposeful: Show your determination and resolve to accomplish your desires and goals
  3. True: Be honest and straight forward with yourself – even when it is difficult and the truth hurts

When you move with purpose and honesty – your gaze is looking forward to the future, your Crown will return to its proper position. When your gaze is in the past, expect your crown to fall backwards or even fall off. In other words, distractions are everywhere and they come in all shapes and sizes!

Take the time to know what you want out for your Life. The Relationship you have with yourself is the most important one. Allow yourself time to heal, grieve and laugh. Set goals that you can achieve…start small and add-on gradually. Have the same expectations for yourself that you expect from others. In other words, do what you say you are going to do for yourself – whether it is to lose weight or save money. Hold YOURSELF accountable. We often hold others to a higher standard. It is time that we hold ourselves to the same standard.

Most Queens have the strength and ingenuity to set and reset their Crowns…some just need a little push or encouragement. All Crowns slip from time to time, but the object is not to let them stay out of place too long. When you feel your crown slipping and you feel that some assistance is warranted, Mz. JewCee recommends Counseling and/or a Mentor. Our family and friends are great resources for some things, but when you are looking to make strides in a different direction and/or better yourself – consider the source.

Queens let us Fix Our Own Crowns so that WE may be the leaders of tomorrow. Let us better ourselves and rejoice in our ability to rule our Queendoms!

Enjoy – Enlighten – Embrace – Eroticism

Too Soon to Submit

I read a very intriguing article called: ‘When you want to be into BDSM but it’s too soon because you’re black.’  …it got me to thinking…

My first thought was…How soon is too soon? I thought that slavery was abolished and WE as a people were free to enjoy life to the fullest? …or are WE??

I thought…these hang ups can’t be real – not in today’s world?? I have successfully been a part of the BDSM world for years and “never” thought twice about slavery — or did I?

I woPresentn’t be called a slave and I’m not calling my Dom “Master”… …yeah I may have appeared to forget all about the oppression of my race, but deep down and by my own actions and deeds – that wasn’t totally true and it took this article to make me realize how I had ‘tricked’ myself into believing that the crimes against my race decades long past – did not have anything to do with me…

This article really got me to thinking – especially because as I speak with women of color and they discover that I’m a submissive in the BDSM world – they too want to learn to be more submissive or find it hard to submit.  Maybe there is a deeper underlying current of events that make it a bit more difficult for Black Women to submit. Maybe it’s the cries of our ancestors after being bound, beaten and raped. Possibly there is a deeper spiritual calling that only speaks to us in the corners of our minds.

To be quite honest, until I read this article I did not fully understand why so many women want to submit but fear what submission will do to them. I get the profoundness of our past and that our past should not be forgotten, our past does not always have to repeat itself in a negative way.

The BIGGEST misconception about a submissive or slave in the BDSM world is that – all the bondage, the flogging, the penetration is being done AGAINST their will. We have ALL SEEN the tears of a spanking – the redness of the paddled area and the slobber of a gag ball… These images may very well be the REASON that people compare these actions to those of slavery.

…but let me point out the difference…

Oppression Slavery – is/was against a persons will.  They did not give consent. There was no pleasure derived from being enslaved.

BDSM is DIFFERENT – in the fact that what happens to a submissive or slave is discussed and agreed upon. There are “safe words” in place to keep everyone on the same page of pleasure.  …and YES, I SAID PLEARUSE… Some people get pleasure from pain. They ENJOY being tied up, feeling helpless, losing control, spanked, gaged and even humiliated if it is done my their Dom/Domme.

There is no wrong or right way to practice BDSM – although some of the more extreme members may say differently… How you and your partner choose to enjoy this realm of the Lifestyle is entirely up to the two of you. I’ve never had to use the word “Master”.  My Doms have allowed me to call them King, My Dom and Mr. …this was one of the sticking points for the author of the article and I can understand why, but there are other words that can be used to show Respect and the hierarchy of your BDSM relationship.

I can empathize with the article, but in my own way I’ve learned to enjoy this Lifestyle and allow it to change me as a person. In this day in age, I ENJOY submitting to a King. The safeness, the closeness, the trust that is involved is unmatched. I will not let the ghosts of the past (as important to me as they are) not allow me to enjoy the pleasures of my future. Submission is a gift that should be treated as such.

To my Black Strong Women ~ WE have evolved. Clinging to the past – even a past as important to our growth as a race, can distract you from a pleasurable future. Certainly NEVER FORGET ~ but learn what time period you are in now. Step into the future boldly. Explore your desires with an open heart and an eagerness to learn. Let go of the “box” that someone else has placed you in. Break the chains of oppression with a wondrous look at freedom – the freedom of submission. Allow yourself the opportunities to enjoy pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. In order for that to happen you must be WILLING to learn all of the pleasures that a BDSM Lifestyle holds for you