SEX is that double edged sword that can cut the heart out of a relationship with a single swipe or give a relationship that added oomph! When we talk about SEX and relationships we have to add a lot of factors into the mix. Emotions, perception, wants and desires, kink and freakiness as well as frequency and ability.  I also would throw in drive and ambition to satisfy your partner.

Looking at all of these factors, affords us the opportunity to really delve into the importance of SEX in a relationship.  Remember, over 20% of committed relationships fail due to SEX – either not enough or too much. If SEX is important enough to end the most sacred of relationships – a marriage, shouldn’t we take a deep look at its effect on a relationship and recognize the significance that sex has on a relationship?

Many people will say that SEX isn’t the glue that holds their relationship together. Yet let their partner step out on them and have sex with another person and all bets are off! Now you may say that it’s the sneaking and the lying that cause a person who is cheated on to end the relationship and normally I would be inclined to agree with you, but I want to take this a step further…  If all the person is doing is having SEX why does it destroy a marriage? Is it because they are only supposed to have SEX with their partner? After all this is the same person that does not believe that SEX is that important…so why does it matter that their partner decides to have sex with someone else? I mean…if the person is not getting what they want at home and there is a deep divide in sexual activity – why shouldn’t they be allowed to “step-out” on their partner to satisfy their sexual cravings with one that is willing to fulfill their needs? Why are we shocked and appalled when we know unequivocally that we are not having sex on a regular basis?  

In other words, you can’t be upset if a partner has sex outside the relationship when you act and feel that SEX isn’t important to your relationship.  People that cheat in their relationships have a reason – it may not be a good one to the person that is cheated on – but it is “logical” to the person that cheated.

I’m not saying by any stretch of the imagination that people that cheat should get a pass, but what I am saying is…as long as we keep considering SEX as an afterthought to our relationships or treat it as a chore instead of a way to enhance our bond with that person we cherish. …as long as we keep saying, “Sex isn’t important in my relationship. I can take it or leave it.” …as long as we deny ourselves the pleasures and the euphoric feeling that comes from having SEX… …as long as we belittle SEX in such a way that demoralizes its very existence, the percentages will continue to rise and we will continue to be dissatisfied within our own sexual relationships.

The battle rages inside of us. With all of the boundaries securely in place regarding sex – from family and friends to church and state – we have lost our passion and desire. Sex can become mechanical and mundane.  Exploring a new horizon outside of the parameters set by outsiders can bring upon great shame.  The internal struggle is real. Do we stay true to our “values” or do we unleash the sexual creatures that we are?

I say…UNLEASH! It’s okay to say that SEX IS IMPORTANT! It’s okay to want GREAT SEX! It’s okay to step up your SEX game! It’s okay to try something new to rekindle the passion that you and your partner deserve in your sex life! It’s okay to make SEX a PRIORITY!